Wednesday, November 26, 2008

A Tale Told By A Nine Year Old

...Full of sound and fury, and the occasional political snippet. I present to you, my son the Bohemian's turkey saga:

One Thanksgiving Turkey

One particular Thanksgiving a very special turkey was on my table. This is the unusual story of that turkey and how he came to be there.

Joe Turkey was born on a turkey farm, just like other turkeys, and he lived in a pen with his brother turkeys. He looked like all the other turkeys but Joe was different. He was smarter than the other turkeys, and he didn’t want to end up as someone’s dinner. Every day he wondered, would today be his turn? Would he end up being killed to make a nice Thanksgiving dinner? One day, at last, he found out it was his turn! He had to find a way to not get killed, but how? He had no time to think of a plan. Suddenly the pen gate opened. One of the turkey farmers came in to get another turkey. Joe ran out as fast as his turkey drumstick legs could carry him!

Although he was scared, Joe kept running. He didn’t want to get killed! A man jumped out from behind Joe and grabbed him. Joe sunk his talons into the man’s face, and he kept running. “Get that turkey!” a man shouted. Joe ran into a barn to hide. As he was looking for something to disguise himself with, he heard a sound behind him. It was Joe Biden, the soon to be new Vice President of the United States. He had given a long speech to the turkey farmers earlier that day and was taking a nap in the barn.

Wham! The barn doors slammed as the turkey farmers came into the barn. They were holding axes, and pitchforks. “Hey!” yelled Joe Biden. “What are you doing in here with those?” One turkey farmer spoke, “We’re here to kill that turkey!” There was Joe, and Joe Biden. Joe Biden licked his lips. “Looks like dinner to me, let me tell you some thing about Joe Biden, Joe Biden likes a good turkey dinner.” One turkey farmer said “get that turkey!” Joe flew out of the barn skylight. The farmers stabbed the ground.

Then Joe fell down out of the sky. He must hide. Slash! An ax fell next to him. It was Joe Biden! Away the hobbling turkey ran. But Joe was snatched by a turkey farmer. A boy held him on the block and, slash! Joe’s bloody head fell in a bucket. Then Joe’s headless body was plucked and papered (prepared, dammit - I missed this one in the editing!). Later my mom bought his body at the store. Joe‘s body was roasted with a delicious stuffing. And that is the story of how he came to be on my table, on this special Thanksgiving day.

This, I feel, is a story destined to be a classic, right up there with the Story of The Mince - an old family favorite (What? You've never heard of a Mince? The small, badger-like creature that was originally the contents of the now-famous pie? Come on...really? Sheesh...!)

Happy Turkey Day to all!

16 comments:

Vodka Mom said...

omg that was FANTASTIC! ha. ha.

Vodka Mom said...

AND, happy thanksgiving! hope it's a great day......

A Free Man said...

I kind of wanted Joe Biden to get Joe the Turkey himself.

A Free Man said...

Have a great Turkey Day!

Heather said...

Hope the turkey is tasty after all of that.

Ben and Bennie said...

Are you sure that that turkey's name was Joe? I could swear legend has it that his real name was George.

flutter said...

and to you, sweet girl!

Arizaphale said...

I kind of wanted Joe Turkey to get Joe Biden. There is no justice in the world.
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving.

Autumn said...

LOL! That was great!

FairiesNest said...

Who says all the great slasher stories are at Halloween! I hope you've stocked up on shiny mince catching stones!

tysdaddy said...

I am so waiting in line the day Joe the Turkey poseable action figures go on sale. With karate-chop action and talons of steel . . .

That story was a . . . killer.

Gypsy said...

Joe Biden obviously cannot be trusted with turkey.

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

Let me tell you somethin' about The Bohemian. The Bo knows turkey! And the Bo knows how to spin a good yarn. Though I have to say, I was kind of pulling for the turkey.

bandick said...

Who knew that Joe Biden spoke like Bob Dole?

Due to the graphic nature of this story, I might not be able to sleep tonight. Better elevate the tryptophan levels with a little bit'a Joe!

Gypsy said...

Um, hi? Remember us? Your faithful readers? Have you abandoned us? Come back!

BlackenedBoy said...

I think your son may be different from all the other nine-year-olds.

This is an imaginative and creative story. I particularly liked the entrance of Joe Biden into the plot (I suppose the Vice President Elect was assigned turkey bloodlust by your son for non-political reasons) and the delightful twist ending.

It was a bit morbid and perfectly dark.