Monday, January 12, 2009

Milk Carton Metaphor

January is my traditional, seasonal time of darkness, and true to form, I'm standing at the edge of the abyss. I have no good reason to be standing here, there's no string of recent tragedies spurring me towards the hurtle down the rabbit-hole, yet here I stand, looking down, thinking of jumping.

This is the part of me that is perpetually the Gothic teen, garbed in mourning, obsessing over death. She's been grounded for years, and rarely is allowed out of her room, but sometimes she sneaks out the window to smoke a cigarette with her bad influence friends, showing up at my door in the early morning light. Like any parent, I'm pissed at her disobedience, but I'm also pissed at myself, for my inability to control her.

Before the Mom Years it was easier to deal with her, give her room to vent, but now I keep her under wraps, fearing her influence over my children. The few occasions she showed up to babysit for me always ended with the kids emulating her extreme behavior, and god knows we don't need another child in this house of mostly men. So I've kept her shut up in her room, sulking, refusing food, and playing Evanescence at top volume, but today, she has escaped.
Have you seen this teen?

13 comments:

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

She can always run away to my house. My gothic teen has taken over the joint, and I am overrun with sad bastard music,black candles, red wine, awful poetry, and chocolate. Join me won't you?!

we_be_toys said...

And this is what I love about you, my dearest Bea!

"I was going to say, about 8 o'clock?" - Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters

I'll be over, m'kay?

FairiesNest said...

Hey I know her! I think she owes me money... My inner teen is a punk, a la "Beat on the Brat" Ramones, leather mini,saftey pins, Sex Pistols, and Rocky Horror style. Sigh...those were the days...

Bekah said...

Girl, you look marvelous in your alter ego. I say, go find a Barry's to dance your tush off in! Why not take advantage of the inner goth teen coming out! Pout on the dance floor! Wammy-kiss me, wammy-ho!

Csquaredplus3 said...

Maybe you need to let her escape a little more. Bum a smoke from her. Show her some new tunes. I kinda like her...

Gypsy said...

Those girls should only be let out in the company of girlfriends. But they are hot.

bandick said...

Can my headbanger teen hang out with your goth teen?

flutter said...

she is fabulously bershon, isn't she?

Vodka Mom said...

Sassy,is that you? get your ass back over here and get into your room. NOW!!!

Maggie, Dammit said...

SWEET JESUS I LOVE THAT PHOTO.

A Free Man said...

One of the weird things about the seasonal reversal thing is that my 'down' time has reversed as well. Here on a warm sunny day in January, it's hard to be down. I guess we'll see how we go in gloomy August.

Great photo!

Arizaphale said...

Back from hols and loving that photo you baaaaaaaad girl! Sometimes I feel sad when I can't find my teen anymore.....and then I have a glass of wine.

tysdaddy said...

I remember that girl! She used to come into McDonald's all the time, just before we closed, and order a Quarter Pounder with no pickles. Of course, by that time in the evening, she'd shed her makeup and instead of tights wore a ratty pair of sweatpants and a hoodie that zipped up the front. By that time of the evening, being cool had grown stale and she simply needed to eat something . . .