Friday, September 26, 2008

We Was Rotten Kids, Part I

We lived in the country, when I was little, right next to an old farm. I don't think I ever met Farmer Angle (yes, that's really his name) though I'm sure I saw him from a distance on occasion. We were sandwiched between him and another cantankerous blue-hair, Miss Bisson, which, when you're a household of four kids, means we were often under a disapproving scrutiny, and subsequently, frequently in trouble. (Actually, we were into trouble far more than we actually got caught for, which is why, my sister and I are convinced, my mother is insane now.)

Farmer Angle had cattle in the field behind our yard and an electrified barbed wire fence to keep them in. You could tell it was electrified - there were small porcelain knobs at intervals all along it. My older brother was fascinated with that fence. Once he dared me to go up and touch the wire, assuring me that it probably wasn't even turned on. We approached it together, cracking jokes about how chicken the other was and grasped the wire.

Have you ever touched an electric fence? They don't usually pack much of a charge, but it's still a pretty bizarre sensation. I remember the jiggly, buzzy sensation of electricity coursing through me. It seemed like my whole body was frozen in place, channeling current. I tried to pull my fingers off the fence but the electric impulse was stronger than my will, and they were reluctant to obey me. Forcing my other hand to pry my fingers off of the fence I was finally released from that paralyzing current, and my brother did the same. My mother never caught us, and we went back and did it a few more times, just for the sake of that bizarre sensation.

When I think back upon those times I marvel that we all made it into adulthood. I marvel even more that my sister didn't catch us and turn us in - she was always the better parent. (Sorry Mom)

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On another note...
I am one of the un-named today over at PapaTV's Fug Friday. This is the final edition of a truly inspired series of posts. If you haven't see this or read Brian Papa, go check him out.

16 comments:

Professor J said...

"[W]e went back and did it a few more times, just for the sake of that bizarre sensation."

It reminds me of the Lilly Tomlin joke: Lies our mother's told us: 'enough is enough.'

Professor J said...

oops. I mean mothers'!

flutter said...

That is hysterical. that is HYSTERICAL

Vodka Mom said...

can you believe the shit we lived through? ELECTROCUTION? jesus. you win.

Gypsy said...

Ah, those halcyon and bucolic days of youth.

Ben and Bennie said...

Honey, you look like J-Lo in your fuglie compared to my Elephant Man shots.

VelveetaWingnut said...

'mornin Angle...'mornin Angle...

Lara said...

Brothers are good that way.

And I'm sure we were meant to grip electric fences at least a few times in our lives. Why else would we have been given brothers anyway?

PAPATV said...

I think you win by way of octagonal glasses and your description of far-flung teeth. That's just awesome. Thanks for submitting!!

Heather said...

Hey, I used to do that too! Yay us!

FairiesNest said...

I actually remember meeting Farmer Angle when Dad used to go get manure for the garden...he was ALWAYS a grouch. I also remember the time the fence broke and Dad was chasing cows all over the yard, it was a riot! And hell yes I would have turned you in..my job was to keep you all from killing yourselves and it was full time work! You biscuit eater you!

thailandchani said...

Most of us probably wonder how we survived childhood. :)


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Vodka Mom said...

come on over. I got something for ya.

A Free Man said...

Nice specs. I was over there last week, unfortunately.

Electric fences, let me tell you a story about electric fences. We have a 7 year old male Siberian husky who, now, is a lovely dog. When he was younger, however, he was an absolute nightmare. Used to escape from anywhere he was penned. When we were still living in the States we had a lovely house with a huge backyard and a brand new 5 foot chain link fence. Dog could get over it in a blink.

So a friend recommended an electric fence. We had a party and had some people come to help us wire the thing. Got it all set up, plugged in but needed to figure out if it was working. Guess how we figured it out?

Worst thing is that it only kept the dog in for about two weeks before he worked it out.

Bastard.

Maggie, Dammit said...

Dude.

NICE PICTURE!

I have a feeling you and I would have been friends back in the day, too.

As for electric fences, my brothers were always trying to get me to pee on them alongside them. I never did it, but I watched E pee outside in the grass today and it changed my opinion as to whether or not girls can pee well standing up. She totally rocked it. Thank God there was no electric fence in sight.

Many apologies for taking your comments here, to this awful place.

;)

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

Whew girl! That's a great picture. I definitely see the bohemian in you- or is that you in the bohemian... either way, not a fuglie to me.


As for the self imposed electric shock therapy? Im surprised you don't have turly hair. :)