Thursday, August 28, 2008


Vodka Mom tagged me for this meme, because I am "a smart ass". With an accolade like that, how can I resist? The problem lies in the fact that I am just not unspectacular. Nope, not a bit. Every moment of my larger-than life is sparkling, scintillating, amazing. I even crap epic. But for my darling martini-mixing mamacita, I'll try to dredge up something dull and humdrum.

Are you buying this yet?

A) I am a vampire. No really, I can't abide daytime. Nothing says "what the fuck is wrong with my life?" like getting up at O Dark Hundred. I love the nightlife. I've got to boogie.

2) I love throwing dinner parties, and I'm rather good at it, but I rarely do. Every time I have a party my family comes over, and my brothers try to burn down my house. Or they chip a piece of depression glass. Or plug the toilet (it's that epic feces thing again - it's genetic or something).

D) Despite my adamance in buying only the all-natural ice cream at the grocery store, when I get near one of those accursed Dairy Queens, all bets are off. Natural-Schmatural. Butterfinger Blizzards are my personal plasma fix.

9) I am a ridiculous marshmallow animal lover (snakes, not so much). I was standing in my front yard the other night, trying to tame a baby deer to my presence, and wondering if he would like catfood or if I should just go get some corn for him. He was starting to act curious about me, when Simon started stalking him. Stupid cat - he thinks he's going to bag that deer!

Q) My mother is the reincarnation of Anne Boleyn. I bet you didn't know that. She told me herself, after a pitcher of whiskey sours, when I was 14, but I was suspicious. I mean, did Anne Boleyn really have an Irish brogue? (Sorry, that was really a spectacular piece of trivia, wasn't it? I did tell you...)

Omega) Okay, wait. I got one. An unspectacular thing about me. No, seriously, I got one. I - dammit. It's gone.

Now because I'm an acknowledged smart ass, and a rule breaker to boot, I'm not going to link to anyone. Besides, I know ya'll would kick my aforementioned buttocks. BUT, if you would like to take this meme and run with it, give me a holler and I'll append this with any and all linkage, ah-ight?

And in other news...

Bea has posted her side of our Saturday night at the Palace. It's about as close as you're going to get to an alternate or worst-case ending. (How come no one wanted the Scooby Doo ending? Or like a Pride and Predjudice one? I could have done those.)

Appended to add: No one believes I'm a smart ass? Really? I gotta lay off the touchy feelie posts for awhile - I must be getting too deep.

Oh, and I thought of one finally, for #Omega: I won't let my kids eat junk food, but when they're at school, sometimes I treat myself on the sly. Shhhh, don't tell them!


flutter said...

you, me? #1.

VelveetaWingnut said...

I'm not buying this everything you do is epic bit...if it was, you would have taken the 'super' tampon back there in Kittaning and not the regular one...:-D

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

Dairy Queen Blizzards, huh? And you give me crap about my faux mac and cheese jones. Nice.

Love the numbering, BTW. :)

hele said...

I feel like coming to a dinner party at your house.

liv said...

just having a hard time with someone thinking that YOU are a smartass. LOL.

Vodka Mom said...

not only are you a smart-ass; you swear like a sailor and have an eccentric mother. What are the odds?

Gypsy said...

For #9, I thought you meant Peeps, and I was all, "There are snake Peeps?! Awesome." Now I'm so disappointed. ;)

Jennifer H said...

You make me laugh. What's funny is that it sounds like the deer ran from the cat? Correct me if I'm wrong.

I had a feeling (as in absolutely certainty) that you were a smart-ass. One of the reasons I flat out adore you.

Maggie, Dammit said...

After you wrote "vampire," I couldn't think of anything else. I couldn't see anything else. I am all absorbed in the Stephenie Meyer series right now and as soon as I see vampire I log off and go back to reading.


Anonymous said...

"epic feces"

Only here, my friend. Ha!

Once, when I was visiting my grandparents, my uncle came out of the bathroom and asked where the plunger was. When asked why, he replied, hands spread wide, "Well, the thing is THIS long!"


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