I have an inner restlessness lately, I just can't shake. All my projects are in stasis, for one reason or another. I made a batch of cookie dough, but I don't feel like baking it. The women in my painting stare sightlessly out at me, waiting for definition; for life, but I stare right back at them, equally blind.

Is it the weather? Maybe - its been kind of gray for several days now. We need the rain, and I love it when it rains in the spring, but the pervasive damp and the perpetual gray push me ever closer to the mental edge. You know, the edge where I burst out in tears over a damn lame joke, like last week (and again, Ray - mea culpa, man). Yeah, that's not good.

I think a part of it is school. The field trips and projects due have ramped up recently, and both require more of my personal time. The Bohemian, who was doing so well with the reading, has slumped again, so every night we're taking extra time to have him read to us. It doesn't leave much time for grown-up interaction, which makes both myself and the hub-man cranky. We still have a month and a half left before summer vacation; we're at the end of the tunnel, but damn, this last 7 weeks feels like pure torture. I love my kids, and they're really pretty good guys, but Oh My God, they have turned into Essence of Pure Boy, and some days, it just pushes me to the Dark Side, making manicures, teased hair, and fluffy pink shit look almost inviting (Noooooooo!)

I've sat down to write but nothing is really flowing, except discontent. I could get lost in painting, finding faces for those women, but my schedule is all chopped up with school related shtuff, so my mind is equally chummed and unable to focus in on minutiae.

You know what? I think its time for the guys to take a weekend trip to visit the grandparents and give Mom a couple of days of absolute silence, so I can reboot my brain.

Of course, that won't work this weekend, because there's a damn field trip to Winston-Salem on Friday that won't be back until after 5 PM. Did I mention that I loathe school?

Victory!

I picked up the guys from carpoop yesterday and the Bohemian said to me,

"Guess what Mom? I finished the first Spiderwick book today, and it was really good! I can't wait to read the next one!"

I was driving at the time, or I would have jumped up and down like a pubescent girl with a crush. Oh. My. God, Debbie! (*not really talking to a particular Debbie - it's Valley Girl Speak) As it was, there was a bit of swerving as I craned my head around and exclaimed,

"Oh honey, I am SO proud of you! Let's go buy the rest of the series this weekend!"

When we got home, and homework had been done, the Bohemian, our resident Edward Scissorhands, made a "Seeing Stone", like the one in the book that helps the kids see the goblins, etc. All by himself, he made it, and damn if it doesn't look exactly like the one on the front of the book!

I love that kid! and I am so relieved that we are finally turning the corner with the reading. It's been a long, uphill battle with this one; especially trying to NOT make it a battle.

These are the wonder books that helped turn the corner for my little Bohemian:



Granted, I have been reading The Hobbit to them both, this past week as well, and we did see a trailer for the Spiderwick Chronicles film that's coming out, so those may have also played a part.

I was having an email conversation yesterday with Jodi over at Slow Panic, about getting kids, namely, little boys, to be prolific readers, and this what I wrote to her, concerning my personal philosophy as to how to bring that about. I haven't received her permission to publish her side of the conversation, so you'll have to divine what she said! (Note* If I get permission, I'll amend this.)

"We have tried everything under the sun with my youngest, and most of it hasn't been working. When we take him to the book store (so he can pick out what he wants, he picks either picture books or giant tomes that I know he can't read, so what's the point? The Spiderwick books have a lot of pictures, so its a good bridge from picture books to chapter books. Personally? I liked the Lemony Snicket Series Of Unfortunate Incidences, but I couldn't get either of my guys to read them. The Captain Underpants books, by Dave Pilkey, are good too, and little boys love them for the toilet humor (and the Flip-o-rama, of course!)

I know reading fluently is a developmental thing, but man, it's been an uphill battle at times. I guess just keep at it - we do prohibit TV on weeknights to encourage more reading (now if I could just get my husband to turn off the TV and read!), and reading aloud to them goes in that time. I try to read the stuff they might not read alone, like Harry Potter. Doing the voice of Hagrid, though, is quite the dialectic challenge - I think it's a cockney or scottish accent - but blimey- it's all "'Ere now Arry, wot's up wiff yer mum?" kind of talking."

"My eldest son, The Professor, is 10 and a great reader (we lucked out - other than reading to him, it just clicked for him at about 8). My other son, The Bohemian, is 8 and a half and is a much more physically oriented person (read: future jock), but is really creative - we call him Edward Scissorhands, if that tells you anything! BUT, he hasn't clicked with the reading just yet. It took him a long time to be able to sit still just to read to, which was really frustrating, so there were intervals that we just didn't, rather than fight about it.

My husband is one of those people who turn on the TV when he walks in the door, and I am the kind of person who chooses vacations based on their unplugged value. I have had to convince the Hubster (over many years)that constant TV DOES get in the way of the kids' ability to focus, to do homework, and to find the impetus to read. We watch TV after the kids are in bed (I love the DVR!), and the boys can watch a program in the morning before I get up. They like to watch History Channel shows, like Engineering An Empire, and Ancient Almanac, so we DVR the stuff they want. They are not allowed computer time, except on the weekends, and it's based on a combination of factors: school performance/attitude that week/willingness to perform light chores (putting away clothes, cleaning their room/messes, occasionally vacumning, setting the table, etc.) If they had been extra good/helpful that week, I might let them have extra computer time on a Friday afternoon, but generally, their time is on Saturday and Sunday mornings, until noon. If they were not helpful, that's it - no computer, and maybe no TV either.

I know - I'm a mean old mom! But having those ground rules and sticking by them has given them incentive to perform their responsibilities, with the reward at the end of the week, and they have lots of time to just go outside and play, or draw, or whatever, because they have no expectation of being plugged in during the week. I see so many kids at school, whose only point of reference is what they've seen on TV, in both their conversation/connections, as well as in their play, and it's so sad to me. I can't help but wonder how much more they could acheive if they were unplugged just part of the time.

Sorry for the sermon - you asked me, and I'm afraid it's a pet rant of mine, so I ran down to the store and back with it! As an artist, creativity is vitally important to me, so nurturing it is something I put a lead foot down about in our house, and the sports fan husband has to DVR his stuff and watch it later.

And again, I am running on at the mouth - I do hope I have not stepped on your toes - ultimately what I think doesn't matter -You have to do what you feel is best; I'm just happy to opine at length, as you can see!"

I just finished updating a profile on bloglog, where I said I don't proffer my opinions about parenting and politics, because I'm not a big fan of soapboxes, so of course I had to go and stick my foot in my mouth, right?!

Hey, It's my blog and I can opine at length, if I want to!

Ho Ho Hum

There is just no getting around it, try as I might; Christmas is in three weeks and I haven't done doodly-squat to get ready for it. I'm just not feeling the love for baking a dozen different kinds of cookies, festooning my house with stuff that the cats can, rip down, play with, eat and take a trip to the vets for, and horrors of all horrors...shopping.

What's up with that, you might ask?

Ambivilence thou art the Tapdancer!

It could be that it is a colossal, all-weekend job to get all of us to put our crap away, so there's room to put up the holiday schmaltz, and I hate cleaning house anyway (is there really some woman out there who just lives to tidy up after the hordes? If yes, honey, we need to talk!)

It could be that having bought a new heating/cooling system, Christmas is going to be kind of tight - how do you explain that to kids who still believe in Santa? Its not that I think they need a boatload of plastic shit to break/lose/leave around on the floor for me to find and scream about, but yeah, I do love the look on their faces when they see the tree on Christmas morning. I've worked very hard to keep the magic alive, but its harder on a tight budget.

It could be that the idea of baking all those cookies, while I'm trying to not gain weight (pshhhh! because to try to diet during December is Few-Tile chile!) is also daunting enough to put it off, though in all fairness, I can't begin baking until this weekend, or stuff just isn't fresh enough to cut it for the holidays (I really hate stale cookies - they're right up there with ...ulp...fruitcake...mmulp...I think I just puked in my mouth thinking of fruit-...IT).

I also sent out notice that we would be having our Solstice Party this year, so tack that on as extra work in all the departments - cooking, cleaning, decorating, shopping. I do want to have the party - it was so un-festive last year, when my younger brother hosted it - it seemed more like a Superbowl party, which is fine, but it isn't what we dream of nostalgically when we look back through the mist of years and remember what made Christmas special. THAT is my personal mantra, when it comes to the holidays - how are my kids going to remember this?

We have also been pinned down for the visit to the inlaws during the Christmas week already, which always depresses me. I love my husband, but over the 20 years we have been together, my tolerance for his Fundie parents has gone clean away. I think the breaking point for me was when my mother-in-law told my oldest child that he was going to grow up and become a terrorist, and that his parents (us) were unfit to parent. Nice, huh? All because they lost control of a situation with the kids and my oldest son wrote a letter to an imaginary person to vent his rage, calling his grandparents (in the letter only, not to their faces) "Butt-kiss God Lovers", which of course they found and freaked out over. We were not there, being in Wales at the time, so our welcome home gift was this story, told from my mother-in-law's favorite place - atop her soapbox.

I know, how can I be so unfair to them? Personally, I love the term "Butt-kiss God Lovers" - I think it sums it all up quite succinctly.

But it does make visiting them quite stressful, to say the least. It didn't help that the hubby really didn't confront them in a timely or decided manner - he kind of let it slide, while just not talking to them at all (are all men this good at communication? Oy! I shudder to think...). I see them once a year, at Christmas; I think I'm going to need sedatives or maybe a straight jacket, to keep myself contained, but in the meantime, here I am, ambivilent and procrastinating.

After that pile of fecal matter, my family's Christmas looks tame. There is always the question of who my mother will choose from among her children to be The Reviled One, as we like to term it. We're not sure why she feels compelled to do this; maybe its how she deals with her stress, but every year she picks one of us (well, one of us that isn't my younger brother - he is exempt - don'tcha love favoritism?) and makes our life hell. One year she told me, two days before Christmas, that she didn't get me anything, it was just too much of a hassle - I know - WTF? I think it was last year that my sister was the RO - her special diet needs were too much to accomodate, and nothing she could do was good enough. I think there was also an altercation on the actual Christmas Day (we get together at the end of the week after), at my sister's house, involving my mother and the other guests. My older brother too, has been the not-so-lucky recipient, with endless drunk phone calls and criticisms of his cooking, his kids (who are great, btw!), his life, etc... And OMG, the drunk dialing...sometimes when she gets on a roll, we call each other and send out the warning: don't answer your phone - Mom's on the loose! But let's not lose sight of the other parent...my father and the deep dark abyss he falls into at Christmas (that no one can talk to him about - sigh )- he morphs in frickin Eeyore this time of year, sighing and moping; bah-humbugging at every occasion - if ever there was a good excuse to get someone drunk, he is that excuse - he is nothing, if not a merry drunk, which is far preferable to my mother's version of tipping it back - it might have been a story she was telling you, but its been 15 minutes and the point is nowhere in sight. You try to go to the bathroom, and she follows you in, still talking...!!!!

But see? That is so much tamer then the potential crisis of Faith we will have to endure with the in-laws. It almost puts me in the mood for the holidays,...almost.

An Unprecedented Event

I can't believe it! Every year I take the boys out to the local produce stand, or the Farmer's Market to take their picture with the pumpkins. It started with the Professor, our first-born, when he was a baby, and the expressions on their faces have pretty much been deteriorating since then (and he was pretty grumpy looking in the first shot, as it was).

Maybe it was because today is a Teacher Workday, so they were revelling in being home on a Monday. Maybe it was the extra bonus day of playing Civilization on the computer (though they did have to do extra household chores to earn it, but what's a little vacuuming, against extra time to RULE THE WORLD?), but for whatever reason, the guys actually SMILED TOGETHER in this year's Pumpkin Portrait installment.
Exhibit A:
Don't they look nice? So civilized-seeming. I almost fall for it myself.

Actually, I was confabbing with Bea yesterday and we were congratulating ourselves on the fine upstanding young barbarians we have raised collectively - ie; the young men seen above. Considering what they could be like, I feel pretty lucky to have these two wild but lovable guys.

And they don't clean up too badly either!

I also have to send out many copious thanks to Ms. Q, my resident fairy godmother, who brought me a giant Chinese takeout box of NEW PAINT! I am very excited to have lovely new tubes of artistic goodness all freshly arranged in my paintbox. Let the Painting Begin! Thank You so much Ms. Q - I feel so very loved today!