Mammaries, Like The corners of My Boobs

I'm sorry - that was a completely miseading title, wasn't it? I'm a firm believer in paraphrasing sappy ass songs, and that is one of my personal bests. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to sing the rest of it to you - it's somewhat blue (somewhat - ahahahahaha!), and I was actually going somewhere else with this post.

Ahem...!

It's hard to believe how fast time goes by. It was only last week, it seems, that I was holding my first born, freaking out over the immense responsibility I had taken on. And now, in the blink of an eye or two, it's 11 years later, and my little Professor is on his way to teendom. What the hell happened? I haven't gotten any older, how did he? At any rate, he's still one of my very favorite people in the whole wide world, and not just because he lets me ramble on and on about the English Reformation and the Birth of Piracy in the New World ("I could just listen to you talk forever, Mom") What a delightful suck-up!

Happy Birthday Professor! (singing, "and many moooore!")

Birthday Bash

It was the Bohemian's ninth birthday yesterday. We decided, since it was also the last day of school, a legendary day of rejoicing for children everywhere, that it would be fun to meet up with his fairy godmothers,Ms. Q and Bea, for a little dinner out on the town. We went to a Japanese steak house in Raleigh that's been there for at least 30 years, and a guilty pleasure for me. My frequent dinner partner, Bea, likes to eat a little more haute cuisine, and I'm usually just jazzed to be out of the house.

But we thought it might be fun for the boys to have the grilled up in flames experience. They've gotten to a place where they can appreciate at least trying new things, even if they don't always like them. I can live with that.

Isn't he droll?

You really have to give it to them - they know how to put on a show! These guys couldn't take their eyes off the chef, who was, surprisingly, a slender woman with Fabulous! nails, and a voice as deep as Harvey Fierstein. She cracked jokes and scared the piddle out of the Bohemian with a fake ketchup bottle she squirted him with. We loved it!

Mesmerized

There was a couple who sat with us, who were very nice, and a lot of fun. The gentlemen caught three pieces of chicken in his mouth that the chef threw him, and we all applauded each time.

Volcano of onions, with a side of tempura

The guys ordered green tea, and actually enjoyed it! The tempura was a big hit, but that was no big surprise. The hub and I split a beer - I know - serious party animals, eh?

She was a blur

Who can resist the smell of sizzling onions, shrimp, zucchini and mushrooms, combined with sesame seeds, soy sauce, and oil? While we waited, I did my not-so-famous Fan Dance; a variation on an Isadora Duncan choreography. Are you buying this? Do you know me?

I call it "Butterfly and Boobs"

This lovely pair of little Japanese ladies were very shy of my camera

I think this was supposed to be the birthday boy - and then we eat him! Yeah, the Bohemian was a little weirded out by that too. But he loved it when all the waiters and waitresses came and sang a song in Japanese. I think it was a birthday song, but I couldn't swear to it. It really was a fun way to have dinner out with a couple of kids, and the big kids didn't mind too much, did they Bea? After dinner we went and saw "Kung Fu Panda", which was wonderful. The story was engaging and funny, and the casting well matched. It had seamless animation and the texture and ambience of it's style was very reminiscent of Japan. We laughed our heads off and loved the whole big screen experience of being sucked into another world.

All in all, a great birthday!

Sunday Denial

I admit, Sundays in the backyard are kind of sacrosanct to Bea and myself, so we were a little dismayed at the notion of leaving it. But it was a family birthday party, which means Mom was making her famous Million Layer Chocolate and Coffee Cream Cake, and we are nothing if not flexible partiers, so we put together a few nibblies, mixed up a couple bottles of "hooch" and headed out. (Did I mention this meant no cooking dinner? Always a perk!)

The weather was most accomodating and the view from the back deck was pretty nice:

The kids got out some Legos to play with, and a few made it out to us. I couldn't resist trying one on for the Grand Inquisitor look:

Our gracious host, the birthday girl, and our lovely hostess:

I worry every day that my parents will discover my blog and all the fun of posting pictures of them will end. See, he has no idea this is going to be published!

Bea and her buddy realize yet again they have matching shades and share a contemplative moment digging the funky warp power of this most awesome eyewear.
The kids managed to have fun too,
though the Professor did splay himself most convincingly out from the slide,
and the Bohemian sustained a rotator cuff injury, but what is the price of fun, people?
There were a few sweet moments in between the mini-dramas.
We gathered and sang Happy Birthday as only this crowd can do - well, us and Ethel Merman, if that tells you anything. (If it doesn't, you are woefully ignorant of American Stage Icons and its not my problem - go look her up in Wikipedia, for crying out loud!) I do think the birthday girl enjoyed her serenade, though its doubtful her hearing will ever be the same! (Mmm, cake...!)
No pinatas or Blind Man's Bluff for this crowd, but a rousing game of Bocce was enjoyed. I'm just sorry Ms. Q. wasn't there to quote from "Splash" - she would have relished the opportunity, I know. I think the birthday girl has just thrown out her arm in this picture, but look at the serious concentration on these guys faces!
The Bohemian wonders what all the fuss is about.
The moment of truth in measuring the distance of the thrown balls looks a lot like someone has just lost their keys or a contact.
We had a great time and managed to get our drink on, both figuratively and physically. The physical wearing of the rum drinks was done by yours truly, and you better believe I spread it around - I was awfully glad I was wearing Crocs, so I could just rinse them off afterwards! Hope you had a great weekend too!

Bea's Surprise Birthday Party

Let's start with a bit of back history. Last year, when Bea turned 40, I proposed throwing a party for her. She was having a bit of a bumpy adjustment with the whole Four-Ought thing and completely refused the notion outright. But this year, when I asked her what she wanted to do, she said, "I don't care - do whatever you want. All bets are off."

Oh, Hot Damn! I'm throwing a party!

So two weeks before, I called everyone up, and got the ball rolling. Everything was coming together, but as of last Thursday, I still had no idea how we were going to pull off the surprise factor. It was decided that on Saturday, my dad and my hubby would take the D.R. Field and assorted yard tools over to Bea's house to help get her yard tamed and ready for spring. Of course she had to be there to supervise. Okay, so she's busy all day, while we set up, but how to stage the surprise? I decided to tell Bea that Ms. Q. was coming out on Saturday, to take us all out for a birthday dinner somewhere nice, so Bea would be sure to change from her yardwork attire. Then I told her that Ms. Q. had this huge present for her that she didn't want her to see right off, so could she wear a blindfold down to my house? "What the fuck?" Bea asked, and I laughed on cue. "Well, you know how Ms. Q. likes to make a big statement on birthdays! Just go with it." I advised gleefully.

So on Saturday, in spite of all the Murphy's Law kind of mishaps that occur, like the canopy of the tent coming up missing, and the impending thunderstorm on the way, we got everything ready. The hub-man, nattily done up for the bogus dinner out, went to fetch the birthday girl, while the rest of us got our party on and tried to pipe down.

Here Bea arrives at the party in her stylish blindfold, escorted by the aforementioned hub-man.

"You're taking my picture blindfolded?" Bea gasped between giggles. Hub-man couldn't be reached for comment; he was laughing too hard.
We walked her down the driveway, cracking jokes loudly, to cover any crowd sounds. When we took the blindfold off, she was, at first, shocked to see all of us there.
Then the coup addition of my sister, from The Fairies Nest caught her attention. "What are you doing here?!" Bea was a bit overwhelmed. Her hands were shaking. She needed a special birthday beverage...STAT.
It was really a lot of fun to scare the hell out of her. See us all laughing at her near heart attack?
Everyone brought parts of the spread and we ate so much of the appetizers we could barely think of grilling make-your-own quesadillas. Here your hostess and tour guide refurbishes the cracker basket. The homemade hummus, egg salad, guacamole, salsa, cheesy chicken balls (I just like calling them that!), and 7 layer dip, accompanied the veggie platter, cheese tray, and assorted crackers and chips quite well. I feel stuffed all over again, just naming everything! (Note the small roman in the foreground - does that boy know how to accessorize or what?)
Mmmm! Those chips sure are tasty! Bea chats with Sis (Who really was happy, I don't know why she's frowning here; the administration would like to apologize for any unintended inferences or misrepresentations of her as anything but a lovely and happy, HAPPY individual.)as she works on another round of drinks.
Bea smiles for the camera (that's how I know the drinks are kicking in - she would have ducked if she was sober!) from across the pavilion. No party games were planned, but the balloons lent themselves to a bit of frolicking. (Note both Ms. Q. and my sister-in-love are in the background here.)
You will notice that the pictures are becoming blurrier as the day goes on. I would LIKE to blame the darkening sky and looming thunderstorm, but the truth is, I can't stand still for shit after a few drinkey-winkeys. Really a shame, because all the action shots of the balloon frivolities are too grainy and blurry to do justice to anything but the fact that we were hammered.And the pictures of the awesome cake made by my mom for the occasion? Well, I kind of forgot to take pictures of it, the whole drinking thing coming into play again. But it was FABULOUS - six layer chocolate cake with coffee cream and chocolate frosting. Its the kind of cake you feel compelled to eat until its gone, regardless of how ill you might feel afterwards. Needless to say, I'm going to be fasting for a portion of this week, having eaten way too much on Saturday.

Happy Birthday Bea! Hope you enjoyed your big family party!

Bea's Birthday Beverage

Yes, it has been a while since I've been in here. It was really crazy-busy last week in Real Time. ('member? That place you wake up in every day, and have to attend to the washing of clothes, dishes, bodies, etc? Is it coming back to you now? Okayy then!) There was the day trip to the coast to take assorted cats to the vet, mid week, and for the past two weeks, I've been planning and executing Bea's Surprise Birthday Party. Since she is usually on the front line of my nervous breakdowns, its been close to excruciating planning this party, and not being able to vent or spitball, or nuthin'. At one point I just went all Monty Python on her; "Burma!" I shouted out, inexplicably. At her raised eyebrow, I explained, "I just felt like saying it."

But it went off wonderfully. Somehow.

The big hit was our new beverage, Raspberry Lemonade, which slides down so easily, you don't even realize you've drank half of a fifth of vodka, until its too late. Even our loyal constituent of beer drinkers tried a few of these and declared, "M R Good!"

Want to know how they were made?
I knew you would!You will need:
1 package of frozen raspberries, thawed. Puree in the blender until smooth, strain through a sieve and add just enough water to make it pourable.
All natural lemonade. You can make your own, if you want, but I bought Simply Lemonade, because its straight lemonade and no extra crap.
A nice bottle of vodka.

In a pitcher, filled to just under halfway with ice, add vodka to about the 1/4 level.
Add about 1/2 cup of raspberry puree and swirl together until they are mixed, more or less.
Fill the pitcher with lemonade and stir to combine.
In a tall glass, squeeze two round lemon slices and drop the slices in the glass.
Fill to the top with the Raspberry Lemonade. Garnish with a bendy straw.
Suck down quickly and repeat as necessary.

More to come, once everyone signs their release waivers.

Queen For A Day

It's my birthday, I can do what I want!

*note: This is my rendition of Queen Elizabeth II, as done by Robin Williams.