I was inspired by Flutter's post to relate a few off-color gems of my own.
this is the Deadly Trio:
I went to the movies once with my friend Ms. Q, and she had to run into the "little girls' room" before she settled in and commenced to a 32 oz, Diet Coke and a bucket of popcorn (carcinogenic salt, optional). While she was in there, I decided to play a little prank on her. Remembering that she was wearing a particular pair of tennis shoes, I ducked around the corner from the door, so she wouldn't see me until she had passed me by. I waited until I saw her tell-tale shoes, and then I jumped out at her.
It wasn't her, but some poor lady, who just happened to be wearing the same type of shoes.
I was mortified, and apologized profusely, trying to explain to her why I had just jumped out at her. I don't really know if she understood - she took off pretty quickly.
So where was Ms. Q, in all this? She exited the ladies room through the other door, and was standing around, wondering where the heck I had gotten to.
But wait kids, there's more.
On another occasion, again at the movie theatre, Ms. Q, Bea, and myself had decided to hit the "head" before making the 20 minute plus drive home. We walked into an empty restroom and entered our respective stalls. Being the olympic pee champion, I was finished first and waited by the sinks, for the others to finish. While I was standing there, someone let loose an incredibly loud and fruity bit of flatulence.
"Oh my god, Ms. Q! Are you all right?" I asked her teasingly.
There was a long pause, and then:
"Hey! That wasn't me!" Ms. Q defended.
"Oy! Bea! What died?" I laughingly inquired of our only other stallmate.
Again, there was a pause, and Bea answered,
"It wasn't me!"
It was then we realized that we were not alone in the restroom, and that in one of the other stalls was some poor woman, just trying to do her business, who was now too horrified to ever leave her stall.
Out of pity for her state, we exited as quickly as we could.
I know - we are vile creatures, and will no doubt, be paying a heavy karmic debt someday.
But god, did we laugh our heads off afterwards!