Friday, February 8, 2008

Aloha from Mom Hell

Okay, so its past time to leave for school - I haven't brushed my hair, or put on shoes, and I start looking around for my carkeys. As usual, they've been relocated in the night (not by me) and aren't really turning up. I'm getting cranky with the kids, because they figure this is a great excuse to go back to what they were doing before it was time to go to school.

Running out of places to look, and tired of circling the house, I call the husband-guy, to see if he can elucidate my search. I know, this is a long shot, but I'm desperate at this point. If we're any later, I'm going to have to put on real shoes, a bra, and brush my hair, so I look half-way respectable when I sign them in as tardy.

My darling spouse says he has no idea where I might have put my keys, and by the way? Good luck with that. This is how I look when I'm on the phone with him:

Yes, I DO know that my roots are showing - did I ASK you to point out the freaking obvious? No? Well sit down then!

Okay, so Pookie has been a complete lack of help in locating the errant keys, and I start circling the house again, in a last ditch effort, before I have to resign myself to getting dressed and having to take my kids to the office, which, I feel, puts me at a disadvantage in dealing with the staff for the rest of our tenure at this school. Crazy lady shit? Maybe...but again, did I ask? Is this helping me to find the GD keys?

Finally, I look in my old purse, which is hanging on the back of the kitchen door. I haven't used this purse in almost a year, so I know I would never put my keys in it, but I live with 3 men - rank thoughtlessness is a daily occurrence around here.

Guess what is in my old purse?
That's right! My freaking keys are in my old purse! That means that Mr. Helpful, aka, my husband, must have put them there, but because it wasn't involving a sporting event, (Yes, dammit, I AM bitter!) he couldn't remember that he had done it. This is how I looked after I found them:
So I got the kids off to school, without having to brush my hair, put on a bra, or take off my nummy fleece slippers, for which I am very grateful, but you better believe, mud will be flung tonight!

That, and I think it might be time for a little hair dye, eh wot? (don't answer that, I'm still cranky about the muffin keys.....!)


Chanda (aka Bea) said...

Oooooooo! Sombody's in trouble!!!! Maybe it wasn't hubby, maybe you have a brownie gone boggart(sp?). The bohemian could sketch it for you. But either way dahling you cary piss'd off like nobody's business.

Hope your day gets better, I'll be armed with mighty bottle of gin if the need arises. (Oh! Do we have the makings for red drinks?? :)

hele said...

As someone who looses my keys almost daily I really enjoyed this post.

FairiesNest said...

Thanks for a good laugh darlink! Actually the pictures were my favorite part..and I think Bea may be right on the boggart where are MY keys dammit!

Autumn LeBeau said...

Jim's like that with stuff too. Putting it away then losing it... all the time!!

Tagged you for a meme, so check me blog! :)

liv said...

what sucks is when this happens to me i have no one but myself to blame. hey. woot. way to be single, yo.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Stepping out of doors w/no bra? GASP! I feel nekkid!

flutter said...

I think I just peed my pants.

Maggie said...

The post is great, but the photos?

Fucking priceless.