Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Blockage

It's very frustrating to have not only an artist's block, but writer's block as well. See, I started a blog to MAKE me write more; maybe as an impetus to stoking up the embers of creativity all around. But I sit at the desk and wonder what I can write about that isn't too personal, for me and those I love.

I could write volumes about the horrid things my parents did to us when we were kids, but that isn't just my story to tell, and I've confronted my parents with the worst things they did to me, and made my peace, so what would be the point of digging it up, other than to do a sorry impersonation of FOX News? So no, the lurid stories of burning stuffed animals and scrubbing bathroom floors in the middle of the night are just not going to happen here, though I couldn't resist teasing you a tiny bit, oh lovers of trainwrecks! (I know- that was shameless!)

The Burden of Motherhood

I could write about the daily struggle it is to be married and have two kids - yeah, that's original! Actually the worst part of that scene is past - Screaming babies and toddlers DID make me want to bash my head against a wall, and the toilet training years seemed to crawl by, with very little personal growth or satisfaction (I think I may have lost vocabulary words during that period, that I won't ever see again). Mercifully, those years are past and the kids are in school now, so there is time every day to answer to no one but me, which does make Mommy a MUCH nicer person (albeit carpool makes me swear like a cab driver and there is NO way around that, because all the doofwads who have been doing this for 5 years and STILL don't get it, are still going to queue up like they're the only ass-wipe in the world - see what I mean? Hang on, let me go wipe the foam off my mouth...).

The Young Princes

Peek a Boo Preschoolers

(weren't we cute, before kids?)

Marriage is...well, I don't know what YOU thought marriage was going to be, but I knew, based on the charmingly divisive and apathetic tactics of my parents' marriage, that it wasn't going to be Happily Ever After, that's for sure (and again; there's another series of trainwreck stories I just can't divulge - it isn't MY marriage, after all). I did try to NOT marry a too-close version of my dad, and unlike my mother, I am the boss of this house. So does that mean I'm a tyrannical despot? (Yeah, because that works out so well too, right?) No, we approach marriage as a partnership, and a work in progress. There are good periods and bad periods. The End. It's what you do with those phases; how conscious you are of what's going on, and the part you both play, that can extend a good period, or drag out a bad one. I'd say we're doing pretty good right now. I do think it's about time for Mommy and Daddy to have a No-Kids vacation, even if it's just for a weekend, though the logistics of planning that are a little complicated right now, since we can't really leave the kids with either set of grandparents (and there's 2 MORE trainwreck stories that you just don't get to hear, though I have alluded to the reasons in past posts!).

(Ah, the Innocence!)

Do you see my dilemma? The things that would just roll off of my tongue, the easy to write trainwrecks are just too verboten to really write about, so here I am, posting recipes and pictures of cats and children, singing the praises of the Good Life. Life IS good, really, if you stop to consider what you have. I'm always telling the kids that focusing on the negative in life only produces negative things in your life, and the reverse is true as well. I just wish it read better and didn't seem so saccharine, because in real life? I am NOT that sweet. I swear a blue streak, most every day, my house is in dire need of a giant vacumn cleaner to remove ALL of the crap we can't bring ourselves to throw away, and I need to get my ever-widening ass off of this chair and exercise because I am currently up at my "fighting weight", as Ms. Q would say.

Oh, and there are now three - 3 frigging paintings staring accusingly at me from the easel.

But at least dinner is already made (stuffed peppers!) and there are no children prattling in my ear today, ALL DAY LONG! I even committed a neatness in the living room, and did three loads of laundry. I may not be headed for fame, as either an obsessed artist, or as a hilarious/wrenchingly heartbreaking blogger/writer, but Life Is Good, and I'm going to go with that!

7 comments:

Maggie said...

It's the ultimate blogging conundrum, I recognize it so well. I have moments like this oh... let's see... YEAH, every single day. Pretty much.

No answers here. Just vigorous mmm-hmming crossing the country to you.

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

For someone who didn't know what to blog about, that's a pretty damm good blog entry! - Ya bitch, Im contemplating a meme just to have something to type. Regardless of the lack of train wreck verbage, your posts are always worth reading, and always good. So there.

Oh, by the way, Im waving to you as I type this. HI!!!!

we_be_toys said...

Hey Chanda! Let's log off and go watch TV for awhile!
See ya over by the couch, eh!

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

Alrighty then.. I'll see you in a few. Grab me a glass of water, will ya?

flutter said...

Ah but see?

See what happens when you break down what you think you should be writing and you just write what is in your heart? In that big ol' brain of yours?

You get this, and it's friggin gorgeous.

jennifer h said...

I loved this. And I hate to tell you this, but in not revealing a lot? You revealed a lot.

Wonderful.

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