Monday, November 19, 2007

Turkey Tapdance

Later this week we will all be assembling for one of these:

For some of us, this is the bi-yearly conflagration - where the idea of having to go home and co-mingle with the objects of our disfunction, is enough to produce a stomach ache, raging insomnia, and a self-introspection with our closest friends that amounts to either ranting about WHY we don't want to go home, or just the pre-game mantra of "I don't want to go".

That could all be said to be true of my own family (and maybe yours?), but in the past couple of years, we (the siblings) have undertaken to rotate the hosting of the dreaded Turkey Day, in an effort to keep the stress down, as well as eliminate those last minute phone calls from my mother (when it was at her house), asking you to pick up beer, soda, clementine tangerines, bakery-fresh bread, your grandmother from the airport; you name it - the more ludicrous, the more difficult it is to find, the more likely she would be to ask for it.

This year we're all going to my sister's house, so I am totally relaxed - YeeHaaa! There had been talk of a deep-fried turkey this year at her house, but the aforementioned High Maintenance Mom (HMM) threw a little (for her) tantrum about it. So now, its the roasted variant. My poor sister - she is a far nicer person than I am, although I suppose, we all take the hit in the different ways.

When we had Thanksgiving at my house, two years ago, my mother insisted on coming over early in the morning to prepare and put the turkey in the oven - evidently I am not to be trusted with the job of roasting a turkey - so she was in our Kool-aid bright and early that year. Nothing that can't be remedied with copious imbibing. Weird thing-I hardly ever drink more than a beer, or a margarita, except at family functions, (guess what kind of dysfunction we are!!!) where it is imperative to begin anesthesia upon arrival.

If this seems strange, you should watch the movie Home For The Holidays - other than the gay brother, they have us pegged. (Random random fact about me - I love movies and quoting them. Don't get me started, it can get ugly.)


The Velveeta Wingnut said...

Yo Baby! Just smile and know that it will all be over soon. Come on up and join us! Since they all invited themselves to my place, what's one more! At least we'd have fun.

Take care and try to stay sane!
love ya
You're closest distant cousin,

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

This year Im gleefully mantra free(at least until Christmas)as Im tagging along with you to your family's holiday disfucn-ah festivities. Never fear, I'm bringing lots of wine and bubbly. Gobble Gobble ya'll!

flutter said...

copiously imbibe for me too, hmm? being diabetic I have to use like moderation and shit, and I have to blows sometimes.